What topic should I pick today?  A topic on which I can write whatever comes to mind.  I need a great truth on which I can expound.  Cheese?  Already been done.  Beauty?  Too much like a bagel.  Discussing why the Roman Empire declined while putting aside my own special interest of proficiency whether political, economic, social, moral, or religious and remembering that the factors actually involved were complex and cumulative making it almost as difficult to separated them as it is impossible to evaluate their proportionate influence?  Too simple.  How about gerbils tiptoeing through velveeta?  Too common.  I need a topic that will stop the beating heart.  It needs to be a topic striking fear into every American from the tip of their head to the depths of their bowels.  A topic to make children cheer and elderly women cry.  A topic to bring new hope to a mixed-up crazy world yet bearing truths as old as a kiwi is furry.  I feel it coming!  No, that was just gas.  No that really was it!  A topic to make your nostrils flare!  A topic to make your facial hair stand on end.  A question baffling philosophers for ages.  Here goes: How many musk oxen does it take to screw in a door knob?  After much meditation and research, I’ve discovered the answer.  Three and a half.  I only regret I don’t have enough room on the page to explain why.